Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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