yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
a search helicopter?!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize