Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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