his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
