Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
