my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
