do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
