PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
