Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
