I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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