TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
