I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My day in three words: secret purse cake
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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