This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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