I faked an abortion last night.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
40s are totally the cure
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
