3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
