i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize