why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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