I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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