I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
