Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
