my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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