you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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