its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize