What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
