I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
