Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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