At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
