I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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