This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize