Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
