So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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