she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
