biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i believe in u and ur pee
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