at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
