I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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