I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
