Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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