I want to have your abortion
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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