Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
