listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
