You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
