i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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