Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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