I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize