How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
