Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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