I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
