at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
