I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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