apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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