I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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