Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
