your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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