Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
