I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
