All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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