now i know why i became what i already was.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
