found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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