I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
