Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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