shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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