No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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