whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize