do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
