i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
