is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
