i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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