I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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