You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
