Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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