He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
