Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
