I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
