brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
