I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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