This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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