We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
