WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize