In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
