Got a toothbrush?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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