I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
