I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just gargled with NyQuil
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
