you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
