when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
