ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
